Two Pints of Lager Cast Interview - Sheridan Smith

Have you ever taken revenge on someone and, if so, how?
My big bro, Damian. When we were younger, I used to always shout "Mum!" and get him into trouble even if he'd done nothing! What a brat!

If you could take a course in any subject, what would it be and why?
Cooking - I'd love to be a good cook. I'm always eating KFC and Domino's Pizza!

Were you to write a self-help book, what would the title be?
"Me, me, me!!"

What was your favourite book to read as a child?
"Charlotte's Web". I love that story, even though I'm terrified of spiders!

What are your phobias?
Spiders (and any other little creature that crawls or flies!), heights, and going out of my depth in water…I'm a crap swimmer!

Describe yourself as a lonely hearts advert...
Short, horny female seeks tall, athletic male!!

What was the worst job you ever had and why?
Working in a burger van 'cos I got sick of saying "d'ya want ketchup on that, luv?"

If you could hire someone to do a job for you, what would that be?
Someone to cook, clean and wash my stuff…I miss that now I don't live with my mum! I'm such a lazy bitch!

Have you ever been attracted to a teacher/tutor and, if so, who were they?
There was only one younger teacher in our school, Mr Driver. He taught Science. He was quite cute!

Have you ever made your own clothing? What was it?
Well, I cut a pair of old jeans into shorts once - does that count?!

Give us a good statistic...
I don't really know one but someone told me that everyone swallows at least one spider a year whilst they sleep. Ewwww!

If oranges had never existed, how would you describe their colour to someone?
Carrot colour!

What was the first record/album you ever bought?
I think the first album I bought was The Jackson Five but the first CD I was given was 'Cotton-Eyed Joe' the single! Bless my mum - don't know what she was thinkin'!

If you were to write a musical about a famous person's life, who would you base it on and why?
Dolly Parton! She's a real character, she's had an interesting life and she's done some great songs! (Plus it would make my mum and dad happy 'cos they're a country and western duo!)

When you wake up in the morning, what's the first thing you smell?
Cat sh*t! I'm staying with a friend at the moment and his cats keep pooing everywhere. Nice, eh?!

The Darkness clearly believe in a thing called love - do you?
Of course... the world would be a very sad place without it!

Predictive texting - good or evil?
Evil - it's far too high tech for me!

Have you ever blown something up in a microwave and, if so, what was it?
Almost! The other day, I accidentally put a non-microwavable plate in. I luckily kept an eye on it and soon took it out when sparks started flying!

Do you have a recurring dream?
No but I do have some crazy dreams - my imagination runs wild when I sleep!

In your opinion, which is the best track Tom Jones ever recorded?
'What's New Pussy Cat' - whoa-whoa-whoa!

Facial hair - good or bad?
Bad on a woman, good on a man!

David Beckham. Discuss.
Well, he's quite pretty, isn't he?! But that voice would do my head in after a while! But he seems like he's a great dad and husband. That's the main thing!

What's your most amusing alcohol-fuelled experience?
There have been loads, I'm always amusing when I've had a bit to drink. We were at the BBC after the programme and Children In Need was on at the same time. Loads of my friends were there, and Will was doing a strip routine with The Dreamboys. I ended up in The Dreamboys dressing room with a bottle of red wine in one hand and a bottle of baby oil in the other, and I was oiling up the dancers. I wrote 'Hello Mum' on Will's bottom, and when he was dancing and showed his bare bum the camera zoomed in on the message. I was very proud, as it was my little piece of artwork!

What's the rudest thing you've ever done while squiffy?
It's really bad. I often flash my boobs. My friends are so used to seeing them they tell me to put them away. I'm not as bad as Ralf. He's always getting his arse out - even when he's not drunk.

What's your idea of a great night out?
Being with all my friends, having a good time, boogying, and lots to drink!

Do you have any cool party tricks?
I can make my tongue into a flower shape, so that it curls in, in three places. It's like a three leaf clover.

Which cast member do you fancy most and why?
Natalie - no I'm only joking! I don't fancy either of the boys. I suppose when I first started, I fancied Will, as he works out and stuff, but not now that I know him so well. It's like they're brothers. My friends really fancy them both but I've had them fart on me and know they have smelly feet!

What's your best chat-up line?
My mates have said that when I'm drunk I've come out with some funny lines but I don't know what they are. I just walk by blokes and if I fancy them I make it really obvious!

Describe the sex-god/goddess of your dreams.
Personality is really important - a good sense of humour, as I like to laugh. They have to be able to put up with me! I don't really have a type though, just someone sexy and fun to be with.

Who did you last show your bare bottom to?
My housemate, when I came running out of the shower. No blokes have seen it recently!

Have you ever lied to get a shag?
I may have told a little porky. Like if someone really likes me and wants reassurance that I'll see them again, I might say "we'll see what happens", even if I don't intend to.

Favourite ever comedy series/inspiration?
Kathy Burke has been a real inspiration. I think she's brilliant. I like the fact she doesn't care what she looks like on TV and just gets really into character. Obviously, she can do drama as well, but it's her comedy I love. Like when she plays Perry.

Have you ever been to Runcorn? Do you think you've improved its image?
I think we've made it worse, haven't we?! We went there for filming some of the location stuff - it's a funny little place, there wasn't much to do. I'm from up North so I quite enjoyed it. I hope people from Runcorn like the show and think we've made it look good.

In which ways, if any, are you similar to your character?
I drink a lot of lager, but Janet wants to settle down, and that's not me. I like to be young, free and single. She's quite a sweet girl, but I'm a bit of a rebel. As for biscuits, I love eating! I've added chocolate spread to one of things Janet loves.

What's the most amusing thing that's happened during filming?
There are so many, we have such a good laugh. There was one time when Will had to put a pinny on over his clothes, while Ralf was under a duvet on the sofa. Will came in with the pinny on but nothing else underneath, and Ralf didn't know.

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